Nish wishes: Schooled by a preschooler

"I don't want girl to win", said my dejected son sheepishly when I stretched my hand for a high five. This was a few days ago when I and my son had been watching the climax of the movie 'Cars 3' where a dark horse emerged victorious without being succumbed to the wicked act of sledging. Lowering my hand, I sat closer to him, hugged him and said, "It does not matter if it is a boy or a girl. The best one should win". This blog is not about what I preached to my kid though. On the contrary, the subject of my blog is quite the other way round.

Last year I saw drastic changes in my son be it his ability to think and remember or his assertion of independence. I was hit with a hammer on the head by the fact that he was no longer the delicate, helpless baby I brought into this world, but an individual with thoughts and words of his own which were sometimes amusing and at times annoying. The signs began almost as soon as he turned four.

After his fourth birthday, we had planned a visit to my in-laws' place for a family function. On the day of the journey, began his usual questions: "Where are we going?", "Why?", "Why to this grandpa's town and not to the other grandpa's town?", "When will we reach?" and then suddenly I was caught unawares by his remark: "Amma, I know it is very far. See here", throwing his palm up in the air, "I can't catch it!". He had cracked his first PJ or rather a bad joke.

via GIPHY

We were in for many such surprises that year. Some moments brought a great deal of learning and insight on my part which I would like to cherish all my life, which I put forth.

1. Translate beliefs into behaviour

One day he was pretend-playing using his toy blocks.

"Mumma, guess what is this", he showed something that he built.

"Is that an aeroplane?" I guessed as he was into aeroplanes those days.

"It's a fighter plane!", he replied, beaming with pride.

To show an invested observation, I asked about the pilot (a toy block in the shape of a human), "Is he the fighter pilot?"

"No, it's a she. It's a girl pilot", he exclaimed to my astonishment.

Toy plane made of blocks

Probably having seen jets in the sky a couple of times and having seen fighter jets only in pictures in books, this preschooler was unbiased in his knowledge of the role of women in air combat let alone the possibility of women as aircraft pilots. Though I was glad about his broad imagination, I was also embarrassed about my narrow perception having had ideologies of female equality and empowerment. As per the saying, my beliefs should have reflected in my behaviour in this particular case. I realised that it should also be my responsibility to help keep up his open-mindedness regarding women. Now, around seven months after this has happened, when it is hard for him to accept a girl winning a car race as mentioned at the beginning of this blog post I hope he grows up to learn that a four-year-old had once schooled an adult on misconceived notions of gender typecasts in professions and excellence of career-women, in general.

2. Look for opportunity in adversity

It is not an unknown fact that young children have oodles of energy and enthusiasm, and carry lots of positivity and hopefulness. Here is an incident which reminds me that no matter what adverse situation affects us, it is possible to remain positive. Once I tried making mug-cakes as I had come across a simple recipe, on Facebook, requiring only a handful of ingredients and even shorter time. Alas, the end product looked like it could outshine Hagrid's rock cakes in terms of density. I apologised to my highly excited son showing the dug-out piece from the porcelain cup silently blaming myself to have caused the excitement in the first place. To my disbelief, he calmly said, "It's okay. I want to taste it". After having a bite, he giggled and said, "it is not a cupcake, but it is a soft cookie. It's yummy!". He gobbled most of the big "cookie".

"Today me will live in the moment unless it’s unpleasant in which case me will eat a cookie."

– Cookie Monster, Sesame Street

3. Impartiality

I have a small garden in the balcony which I started with the simple purpose of having a couple of kitchen essentials and a few flowers to offer to God. Gradually, this need has outgrown into a sincere interest, and today the balcony looks a little colourful except during a few severe weeks of winter. On a lovely summer morning, I carried my disgruntled son up from his bed and placed him on a stool in the balcony so that he could feel the morning sun and wake up fully to prepare for school. I went back to him after a couple of routine tasks when he uttered benignly, "Amma, these flowers are beautiful. Which one is your favourite?" I smiled and said in all honesty, "I haven't thought about it". Then I sat next to him for a moment admiring each of the plants wondering which one could be my favourite when he surprised me again by asking if I knew which was his favourite. "Do you have a favourite?" I asked back. He replied fervently "all are my favourites". I had learned a lesson in humility.

4. All that you can be

My kid wants to be an astronaut when he grows up. This dream was planted in his mind by his grandfather when he was three years old and nurtured with stories of rockets and outer space. He still believes his grandfather when he tells that he travelled in a spacecraft from his village to Bengaluru, though now he ponders where he might have parked it. As he caught fascination with cars and then race cars, he aspired to become a race car driver at the same time being an astronaut. Today, the list has increased with every episode of the TV series 'Kidz in motion'. With every added profession, he declares that when he grows up, he will be "a race car driver and astronaut and skier and (horse) jockey" and so on. I don't know if he will become even one of these, but it made me think why I can't have more than one profession. Before this realisation, I was just a working mother: a software engineer by profession and everything else was a mere hobby which I would take up when I would not be doing his homework or preparing for an event at school. Now I would like to stretch my wings, try harder and pursue both my hobbies and my job with more vigour.